Conversational Beer

I find myself judging cities by only a few deciding factors, usually consisting of their airport quality, general cleanliness, and roadways. I used to judge cities by the general look of the people that inhabited them, but I found that far too depressing, so I moved on. Today, I've decided I'm going to start judging new cities by the conversations that I listen in on. It's probably just a phase, and I'm sure I'll resort back to something far more shallow and simple, like the smell of the hotel lobby, or the percentage of women with above-size tops, but for now, I'm sticking with my conversation idea. As a side note, I had a brief jaunt with using hotel room quality to qualify an overall city, but I found it to be far to disgusting to consider and unusually a-typical. One dark curly on a remote control, and suddenly a dream excursion in a mountain village became second rate to a Motel 6 in downtown Indianapolis. But, I digress....

The conversation methodology poses two problems for me:

1. I have to listen in on conversations that I have no business hearing, and
   
2. I have to explicitly not react to things that are said as part of this conversation

It ends up that problem 2 is far more difficult to overcome than 1. First off, given the right surroundings, 1 isn't a problem at all. Sit at any bar in any restaurant, and you'll quickly be able to pick up on several conversations, made audibly clear through the wonders of alcohol. I also have no remorse about being busted for listening in. After all, who the hell am I to the others involved? If they don't like it, they can shut their cake holes.

The second problem is far harder to cope with. People say some really stupid, but funny, things when they think no one else is listening. Here are a few gems I heard tonight.

• Patron to bartender: "That cork is really stuck." Bartender back to patron: "Creme Brule?"
• Patron from local geography: "Boulevard Wheat is an excellent local micro-brew." Patron from west coast: "Uh huh." (This one nearly made beer shoot through my nose.)
  
• Patron: "Can I have one of your wings?" Other Patron: "I'm got burnt ends."
• Patron: "Oh my god, you're so awesome!" Other patron: "I know, I know!"
• Patron: "Why did this come with two spoons?" Bartender: "One of them is mine."
• Patron: "I don't play any sports, but I know a lot about them. I just don't agree with how people stand behind their local teams... (long pause...)" Other Patron: "(pause...) (blink..., blink)"

Based on this, I'm going to write off my most recently traveled city as "drunkenly naive", which is a good rating in the grand scheme of things.