The Baby Has Arrived!

We'd like to introduce Collin Christopher Weis to the world! Collin was born on 9/1/08 at 11:46pm, weighing in at 9lbs 2oz and 21" long.

See him here.

Thanks to everyone for their ongoing encouragement and support. We (all three of us) very much appreciate it!

Conversational Beer

I find myself judging cities by only a few deciding factors, usually consisting of their airport quality, general cleanliness, and roadways. I used to judge cities by the general look of the people that inhabited them, but I found that far too depressing, so I moved on. Today, I've decided I'm going to start judging new cities by the conversations that I listen in on. It's probably just a phase, and I'm sure I'll resort back to something far more shallow and simple, like the smell of the hotel lobby, or the percentage of women with above-size tops, but for now, I'm sticking with my conversation idea. As a side note, I had a brief jaunt with using hotel room quality to qualify an overall city, but I found it to be far to disgusting to consider and unusually a-typical. One dark curly on a remote control, and suddenly a dream excursion in a mountain village became second rate to a Motel 6 in downtown Indianapolis. But, I digress....

The conversation methodology poses two problems for me:

1. I have to listen in on conversations that I have no business hearing, and
   
2. I have to explicitly not react to things that are said as part of this conversation

It ends up that problem 2 is far more difficult to overcome than 1. First off, given the right surroundings, 1 isn't a problem at all. Sit at any bar in any restaurant, and you'll quickly be able to pick up on several conversations, made audibly clear through the wonders of alcohol. I also have no remorse about being busted for listening in. After all, who the hell am I to the others involved? If they don't like it, they can shut their cake holes.

The second problem is far harder to cope with. People say some really stupid, but funny, things when they think no one else is listening. Here are a few gems I heard tonight.

• Patron to bartender: "That cork is really stuck." Bartender back to patron: "Creme Brule?"
• Patron from local geography: "Boulevard Wheat is an excellent local micro-brew." Patron from west coast: "Uh huh." (This one nearly made beer shoot through my nose.)
  
• Patron: "Can I have one of your wings?" Other Patron: "I'm got burnt ends."
• Patron: "Oh my god, you're so awesome!" Other patron: "I know, I know!"
• Patron: "Why did this come with two spoons?" Bartender: "One of them is mine."
• Patron: "I don't play any sports, but I know a lot about them. I just don't agree with how people stand behind their local teams... (long pause...)" Other Patron: "(pause...) (blink..., blink)"

Based on this, I'm going to write off my most recently traveled city as "drunkenly naive", which is a good rating in the grand scheme of things.

A Deviant With A Toothbrush

I was buying a toothbrush and socks at a local store tonight. I was waiting in line, behind a family with some small children who were in the process of checking out, and ahead of a short young woman who had a few small items and no cart. The family in front of me was purchasing a variety of thing, including a young girl's pink ballerina costume. Had this been late October, I wouldn't have thought this to be particularly odd, but being a 90+ degree in early August, I decided to ponder on possibilities for the use of the costume. Was it an impulse purchase to keep a grumpy daughter happy? Do people in Kansas dress very differently than people in other states during spells of high temperatures? Was this girl actually a ballerina and had traveled great distances with her family to give a performance, only to realize, much like my situation with my toothbrush and socks, and she too had forgotten a vital piece of equipment.

I was almost starting to make sense of the situation when another checkout isle opened and the woman behind the cash register announced that her isle was open. This generally leads to an awkward moment between the people already waiting in the nearest lanes. Who has the right to go to the new isle? Who should stay? Can one pass another person during this unexpected lane change? When is someone committed to an isle and not allowed to change?

These are issues that everyone ponders when this situation arises, but this is not what concerned me about this particular instance. Rather, it was the comment that the short young woman standing behind me posed after I quickly said "go ahead" to her, implying that she should go ahead of me in the new isle. She quickly responded with "No, no, you go ahead, errr...., Ummmm..." I must have had a confused look on my face, because she felt the need to explain her indecision. She said she didn't know if the pink ballerina dress, already on the counter ahead of me, was mine or not, so she didn't know if I would want to move to the new isle since I was arbitrarily committed to the existing isle.

This was deeply concerning. She actually considered that the pink ballerina dress belonged to me, the guy standing in line in business attire, holding socks and a toothbrush. I can only imagine, while standing behind me in the isle for several minutes, what she was thinking of my intended use for the dress. Did I have a daughter in need of a dress? Was I some kind of a fashion designer looking for inspiration? Was I a horrible social deviant with intentions of doing terrible things involving a pink ballerina dress, a package of socks, and a neon green wear sensing medium bristle toothbrush?

I chose the latter, as it was the most fun. I simply said, while quickly moving to the newly opened isle, "Oh no, not for me. I prefer purple ballerina dresses with my socks." I paid, walked out of the store, and didn't look back.

When Money Flows Like Water

I recently watched a documentary titled Who Killed The Electric Car and also started reading/listening to The Post-American World by Fareed Zakaria. I know that's a lot of heavy input, but after finishing up the most recent David Sedaris book, I felt the need to give a little back to society. I'll spare you my reviews, but they both provided me with a large number of facts and figures that I had not known or considered before. As a sample:

• China is big... really big, yet despite their huge economy and impending world dominance, their GDP per capita is still quite low.
• The US is the largest consumer of almost everything, but the largest producer of very few things.
• Wal-Mart brings in almost 8 times as much money as Microsoft each year.
• If you were to combine the work forces of GM, Ford, and General Electric, they do not come close to matching the work force of Wal-Mart. What does this say about our culture and values?
• Hundreds of years before Columbus's voyage to the new world, China had far more ships than did Europe, their ships were vastly larger, and they were technically superior in almost every way. Why did China not discover the new world instead of Europe? Chinese leadership at the time virtually made sailing illegal for reasons apparant at the time. That seemingly simple choice may be the only reason China is not the single dominant super power in the world today.
• As a country, the US is one of the most arrogant and hypocritical entities in all of history. The fact that we are despised by so much of the other countries of the world is not at all surprising.
• The electric cars of 25 years ago are still superior in many ways to equivalent modern concept vehicles. What happened?
• Over 20% of our nation's electricity is generated from nuclear power plants, which are far more green than coal burning plants. Far less environmental and direct damage to human life has been produced by nuclear power plants than almost all other types of energy generation in the last 30 years. Why then, have no nuclear plants been built in the last 30 years while hundreds of coal burning plants have?
• Hydrogen fuel cell cars, while being promised as a "within 15 years" reality for the past 30-40 years, still consistantly fail to be cost-effective solutions and have virtually no fueling infrastrucutre. Why then is this the technology that almost every politician focuses on as the transportation enerty source of the future?
  
• Purchasing water in a bottle, of any sort, is stupid. Unless you happen to live in a place that has unsafe drinking water or none at all (which means you most likely don't live in the United States), there is no excuse for drinking bottled water. The actual water is less safe, not at clean, far more expensive, and about as anti-green as one can be. The cost of fuel that is wasted in the United States simply by shipping bottled water across the country in one year is staggering. How staggering: analysts estimate the the amount of money wasted by drinking bottled water rather than tap water in the United States in one year is enough to provide basic potable drinking water sources to almost everyone in the world within the same amount of time. Think of that the next time you walk past the drinking fountaing and blow $1.29 on a 20 oz bottle of water.
• Evian, a popular bottled water vendor, is NAIVE spelled backwards. Those French are tricky. ;-)

Anyway, you can do what you want with this, but it's certainly food for thought.

The Vegetables Are Speaking To Me

So far today, I've knocked out two certification exams, three customer calls, multiple email messages, the debugging and resolution of two customer-related issues, one flight, and a bunch of people watching. I still have to cover three states, 2hrs of flying, a drive home from the airport, probably a cold beer, and then a short sleep before I start the motor again tomorrow morning. Oddly, I don't feel like I've accomplished much today. I blame the 12-hr old airport sandwich I just ate. I thought it strange of the lettuce to be talking to me. The dancing I would expect, but not so much the talking. Hello Ms. Tomato!

Ohio, Wars, Floods, and Happy Babies

I've always liked the Cincinnati airport. It's small, quaint, generally very busy, but also unusually easy to navigate and action packed with people for the watching. People watching is really the thing that I like to do most in airports. Very few other places offer such a variety of emotions. Confusion, aggression, love, disappointment, joy, dismay, and many other can be seen just by sitting in a chair and watching the people walk through the terminal.

Seeing as how my airline seems to have lost our flight crew, we're now delayed over 90 minutes on the last fight to small town Iowa.. Seriously, I'm not making this shit up. (Side note... my emotions after this announcement resulted in partial insanity and possible physical brain damage.) So, I decide to get a little exercise and start slowly walking up and down the rows of people, just for the social fun of it. Here are some of the highlights:

• A slightly older woman, wearing one of those hair pieces that looks like a doiley, was busily knitting a very intricate thin piece of cloth. If I didn't know better, I would think that she was knitting the raw materials to actually make some kind of a shirt. This woman either has an abundant amount of self control and dedication, or she's a business traveler and knits the raw material for clothing compaines in her delay time at airports. Based on my experiences flying over the past several years, I'm banking on the latter, and I'm willing to bet that The Gap is too.
• A young woman, extremely tan with a hair cut that only a beautician would attempt to wear each and every day, was sitting in a chair, eating something. I'm not sure what she was eating, because I was distracted by her low cut brown strapless dress... sans bra from what I can tell. I chose to observe this until I saw fit to move on.
• A young woman, extremely tan with a hair cut that only a beautician would attempt to wear each and every day, was sitting in a chair, eating something. I'm not sure what she was eating, because I was distracted by the nasty glare and scowl she was radiating in my general direction. I saw it fit to move on.
• A young man, obviously in the army based on his garb, was having a deep conversation with a middle-aged gentleman about a recent war-time event he happened to live through. Most of the people around the men were listening in, intently, as he quietly, almost cautiously, attempted to tell the story. It was obviously very disturbing to him, and at one point, he started to cry. When it comes to american men and women and the war(s) our administration continues ramming down the throats of americans, as much as you despise the war, remember that these are real people, just like you and me. Hate the game, don't hate the player.
• A very young woman, looking like someone out of one of those craptacular high school california beach drama television shows, was sitting and reading US Weekly while a small swarm of men eye-balled her. Given her advanced reading level and her seeming peace with the ogglers, I don't think this is anything new to her. Seriously, who attempts air travel in a high heels and a one-piece strapless bar dress? I'm not complaining... I'm merely asking the question.
• A very large woman, holding her daughter while the daughter drinks milk from a bottle. In and of itself, not very strange, but the daughter appeared to be in the 3-4 year range of age. I'm certainly no parenting expert, or even a parent at all (at least not for the next 4-6 weeks), but I think that when your child starts to understand the individual letters on the yellow labels around the formula cans, it's time to star the weaning process. (Bonus side note: weaning is a word that is both funny and used far too infrequently. I award myself 5 extra points for using it correctly.)
• A man sitting near me, entering in page after page of accounting data to his computer one index finger keyboard click at a time. He mentions that he recently lost several weeks of digital records in a flood, along with his wife's business. He was "happy to be doing this" after seeing what others in the area are having to cope with. There is certainly something to be said for the midwestern work ethic and general demeanor. It's always refreshing to see it when traveling, and so often overlooked by those that live along side it each and every day. A trip to the east coast doesn't cure many things..., but this is one of them.
• My personal favorite: a woman, traveling with three children, all under the age of ten, a stroller, diaper bag, and all of the fixins. She is holding her youngest, a young boy, probably around 1yr old. The boy has a cell phone placed to his hear, and he goes back and forth between laughing, listening intently, and speaking baby gibberish, with the occasional phrase resembling "dada". The look on his face is priceless. Technology, as cold and complex as it generally seems, sometime allows wonderful things to happen.

Flipping the Mathematical Bird

I believe that when it comes to problem solving, the following can be said:

• There are many incorrect ways to solve a problem, even if the outcome is correct
• There are very few correct ways to solve a problem, often only one

That being said, I pose the following 5th grade math "word problem." The important thing to note about this particular problem is that there are at least two obvious ways to figure out the solution. One is the right method, the other, although technically correct, isn't nearly as eloquent. I'll make the numbers easy, and if no one figures out the right method to solve the problem, I'll make it known in a future post. Here we go...

Two trains are heading straight toward each other on the same set of tracks. They are currently 100 miles apart and each is traveling at 5 miles per hour. There is a bird that continually flies back and forth between the trains as they approach each other. The bird flies at 20 miles per hour. How far will the bird have flown when the trains meet each other?

Notes:

• Don't worry about the physical/logistical details... you're missing the point
• Don't cheat by reading other people's posts (at least not until after you have come up with your solution)... you're missing the point
  
• Don't Google it... you're missing the point
• If this takes you more than a few minutes, you're not using the right method to solve the problem
• If you start writing down lots of calculations on a piece of paper, you're not using the right method to solve the problem
• This can easily be calculated in your head
• Mathematically inclined people tend to choose the wrong method to get the solutions

The moral of this is that being smart, intelligent, or some kind of a genius in a given area doesn't necessarily mean that you know the best way of solving a problem. Often, simply a different view of a problem, even if naive, can still yield the right methodology. The real problem is getting smart, intelligent, and/or genius-types to accept that their method is not the best.

Random Questions From The Recent Past

Just some random questions/concerns I need to voice:

• Why do people constantly refer to themselves in the 3rd person online? Facebook status messages, IM away messages, out of the office messages? Is the goal to trick others into thinking that the system somehow posted the message on your behalf, and that you, the author and object of the message, somehow are unaware of your current status? This sounds like a serious mental condition to me.
• Why do people constantly goof the tense of the verb "forget?" I hear this all the time: "What is your name again? I forget your name." Shouldn't it be "I forgot your name" instead? Are you actively forgetting the other person's name as you are speaking, or did you more likely forget their name at some previous point and are now simply making this known to another person, thus requiring the past tense of the verb. At least use a modifier to make it correct: "I always forget your name" or "I always forget things." Again, the lack of differentiation between past and present is either a serious mental condition, or a remnant of far too much time travel. You be the judge.
• Why do people tap on soda cans before opening them?
• Why do people still insist of generating paper documents and mailing them through the post office, requiring paper, time, and fuel to deliver? Email seems to work pretty well.
• Along those same lines, why is it secure and good practice to fax a document, sign it, and return it via fax, when emailing a document, printing/signing it, and then scanning/emailing it back is not secure? Last I checked, most fax machines don't have biometric security mechanisms.
  
• Why do most retail stores, banks, airports, etc., have a well defined area of space between the current person being waited on at the counter and the rest of the line that is not to be occupied by any person other than in passing? What could possibly be going on that requires a 10ft front-to-back safe zone, while still quite happily allowing another person to stand two feet to the left/right so they too can go about their business? Last I checked, sound has a way of progressing in all directions, not much backwards. Is this a fundamental misunderstanding of basic physics, or something more?

Talk amongst yourselves. ;-)

Coding the Past

Errr.., moreso code form the past. I found some old code snippets (C, Python, Perl, Java, Bash) I wrote many years ago and decided to put them online just for S&Gs. You can look at it here.

http://www.weiserthanbefore.com/source_code/

Happy reading.